so like i said, i had to go and draw, looking through pictures and i come across my graduation party
and i saw i picture of my family and my grandparents
and my grandfather.
I think it was the last time I actually talked to him
in June
and i barely said anything to him.
well it was one of the last times
and then the last time i ever saw him
was in the hospital bed
like he was dead. and i didn't stay, I couldn't stay I couldn't look at him
with his mouth wide open.. like he was welcoming what was coming for him
I have so many mixed feelings about his passing.. So many reasons why this hurts me
and so many reasons why I cried
my friends have tried to tell me why I was crying when i did.. trying to analyze it, trying to make me feel better.
But it so Weird, for him to not be here anymore
to not have him sit at the head of the table, and cook all of the holiday meals.
I don't really no why this hit me as hard as it did, but it did, and there are sure more to come, I have finially become a part of "someone dieing close to u" club
it never happened, and it finially did..

This always happens

I have always fallen into the trap of creating a blog or some sort of journal online.. and I never keepup with it.. in fact i never keep up with anything in life reeally.. i just cost along untill i have a sparatic idea, something to really motivate or someone forcing me to do it. i guess that's how an artist is.. never comitted to everything hah.
Yes I am doing this because my new friend Laura from the lovely.. amazing.. FANTASTIC college i go to Caldwell cCollege is doing it along with my other friend Ashley.. but i have never heard her say she had a blogger before
so
Laura i give u all of the credit of persuasion.
I would write more but i have to draw
like 30 pages of art!
love life
love college
and especially i.love.art.
ode to sarcasim, what would i do without u