Deja Vu

So after my first date with this kid, I hung out with him again and the third time
we decided we are dating
haha.. that went by fast, but i kinda think of it as a continuation of last time.
I have been asking so many people for advice, when really, I know I won't follow any of it, because I'm gonna do my own thing.
People have told me so many things, what to do, what not to do.. but I have only followed what I want to do.
Last night I told him to come over to meet my friends and he said he was too tired, it was a little bit of a turn off.. hahah I told him he lost points, but I have seen him for 3 days in a row.. whatever.
I'm just nervous/excited to see how all of this is gonna play out
If this is gonna last 2 1/2 weeks like last time, or we are going to last.
This month is going to be so interesting, no school, only work.. time to play

i got my self into a mess

mmmm
so my second date ever, which was more like a first date in my eyes, it went really well.
We started off by visiting amanda at petco.. hahaha of course I would
we rented THE DARK KNIGHT amazing Heth Ledger I love u. we got sushi and dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn went to watch it at his house.. which i said i wouldn't do haha. but i trusted him, in a weird way.
It was the first date we have ever gone on, but it didn't feel like it cause we knew each other and even though we barely did for 2 weeks, being 2 years ago.. but it was still really natural, it was pretty awesome.
He said I looked amazing, and asked me what I wanted for Christmas and shit.. I was totally not expecting anythign.. i even told him i was expecting closuer and I wouldn't know what to do if it turned out well.. which it did.
He asked me out again, but I said we will have to see, i mean.. Our first date ever.. u tried to avoid me at star bucks
ur realy shady
so no hahahaha
but we are hanging out again tonight after work
i don't no if this is going to end well
fuck i got my self into a mess

FINIALLY...holy f***********************

finially the first semester is over
no more ecology
no more 2-d
no more shit
for a month,, i'm so excitied, Friday morning, the first Friday morning where I don't have school or work just pure me time, i haven't beeen able to feel like this for 3 months
It feels close to amazing.
but on other news
I'm going on a date with my ex. if u consider 2 1/2 weeks even a boy friend
I dunno. i feel really iffy about it.. i think he is just really desperate and needs something to do
but.. hahaha i'm bored why not
I'm gonna see the day the earth stood still and get sushi
how could i turn that down
but i'm gonna get all dolled up.. i haven't in a while
so this shit better be fuckin worth it
I'll tell him i'm sick so he doesn't try to do anythign hehehe

Art Critque..yeay

So yesterday was the Art Criteque, the moment we have all been waiting for, the painful 6 hour class we had the previous day.. all payed off for this moment.
Or moments I should say.
I wasn't as nervous as everyone else, cause I pretty much knew what I did.. or semi knew what I do in all of my pieces. I'm not trying to be cocky but I am very proud of my first art critique wall, when you put a lot of effort into something u like, of course you should be proud, and that goes for everyone's wall, everyone did an awesome job.
Anyway
All of my friends came to the art critique to watch me possible fail completley and misrably.
I was suppose to go at 2, 2:15 went by, no go
2:30 went by, called Starbucks to varifiy my latness (I told my manager i would be late by 10 min, and they had no idea i was even coming in late) and it added on to my nervousness. As well as being told by upper classmen that the staff is going to rip u a new ass hole everytime u do a critique.. that added to my nervousness too.
2:45 finially came. and they came over.
So I got a good critique. they said that I am doing very good as a freshman, and if i keep it up I'm be good to go. I was really happy with a mix of major anxiety cause i knew i was going to be an hour late to work.
After wards i went to pick something off the floor and ashley goes to hug me, but because of the positioning i was in it looked like she was going to have anal butt sex right then and there on the floor because she was so happy for me
it was awesome, i loved it, i'm really excitied to next semsester to do this again and work with more of the art staf AND NOT RUSSEL ROBERTS
don't even get me started on that overly parinoid neurotic man
anyway
so that was my art critique and i hope everyone elses was as great of an expierence as mine :)

so like i said, i had to go and draw, looking through pictures and i come across my graduation party
and i saw i picture of my family and my grandparents
and my grandfather.
I think it was the last time I actually talked to him
in June
and i barely said anything to him.
well it was one of the last times
and then the last time i ever saw him
was in the hospital bed
like he was dead. and i didn't stay, I couldn't stay I couldn't look at him
with his mouth wide open.. like he was welcoming what was coming for him
I have so many mixed feelings about his passing.. So many reasons why this hurts me
and so many reasons why I cried
my friends have tried to tell me why I was crying when i did.. trying to analyze it, trying to make me feel better.
But it so Weird, for him to not be here anymore
to not have him sit at the head of the table, and cook all of the holiday meals.
I don't really no why this hit me as hard as it did, but it did, and there are sure more to come, I have finially become a part of "someone dieing close to u" club
it never happened, and it finially did..

This always happens

I have always fallen into the trap of creating a blog or some sort of journal online.. and I never keepup with it.. in fact i never keep up with anything in life reeally.. i just cost along untill i have a sparatic idea, something to really motivate or someone forcing me to do it. i guess that's how an artist is.. never comitted to everything hah.
Yes I am doing this because my new friend Laura from the lovely.. amazing.. FANTASTIC college i go to Caldwell cCollege is doing it along with my other friend Ashley.. but i have never heard her say she had a blogger before
so
Laura i give u all of the credit of persuasion.
I would write more but i have to draw
like 30 pages of art!
love life
love college
and especially i.love.art.
ode to sarcasim, what would i do without u